Babies are cute and adorable; however, no matter how much their adorable selves make me have baby fever, I’ll never give in to it. I’m in my 40s, and I refuse to have a cute little toddler running around the house at my age. Absolutely NOT!
There are multiple reasons. Not many, but enough for me. Before I get into my reasons for opting out of late age pregnancies, there’s something I’d like to address first.
Maybe a year or 2 ago, I posted on Facebook about this. I said something like, “I can’t see myself having any more babies at my age. What do I look like having a toddler running around in my 40s?”
You would think I attacked other 40 and 50-something-year-olds by stating what I didn’t want for my life. There were women pulling up in my comments defending having their children in that age bracket. There were women in the comments trying to convince me why it could be a good thing, and that I shouldn’t have a problem having children so late in my life.
I don’t care about none of that. The thing is, what I want for my life shouldn’t feel like an attack on someone else. I didn’t include anyone else in my statement about it. I talked about me and only me.
I hope that one day grown people realize that what other people want for their lives have no effect on them. I hope that grown people start understanding that just because someone else doesn’t want for themselves what they are okay with doesn’t make it an attack on them.
I wish we get to a place where we can express what we don’t want for ourselves without people rushing to the comments with “why not?” attitudes and trying to convince us of reasons we should want it or be okay with it, through sharing their justifications of them being in that space and defending themselves as if it was a personal attack on them, ESPECIALLY when it comes to someone’s personal choice regarding children. That is WEIRD! mmmkay?
And let me say this, there is nothing on this earth that would make me reconsider having a toddler running around in my 40s+ (I’m 40 now.) This doesn’t mean I think something is wrong with it. I think it’s a beautiful thing. It’s just not a beautiful thing for MY life. For some people, it makes complete sense. For ME, it doesn’t make sense at all.
I think society needs to come to terms with this.
My reasons for not being open to pregnancies and babies over 40
I tell my children all the time that although I had them at 16, 19, and 21, had 3 different baby daddies (one, I don’t count but I’ll talk about why when my son is comfortable with me publicly speaking on it), and unmarried, which are all things people tried to shame me for and still shame others for now, and while, at one time in my life when my children were younger, I thought I would do it all over, the “right” way and attempt to have the same baby daddy, I would, in fact, not do it all over again.
To do it all over again would mean getting married later. However, that would have been at the beginning of my thinking that the world is an extremely wild place. I would’ve gotten married late in life because I would’ve still kept breaking up with men who asked me to marry them, or even started having marriage conversations with me.
When I was younger, I almost never wanted to marry the dudes I was dating. They were good enough boyfriends. Not good enough to marry. One of the reasons I didn’t marry young is that I was, at least, wise enough to know the difference between a good time and a solid long time. So, yeah, I still would’ve married later in life.
You see the state of the world? 👀 I’m not bringing children into this! I wouldn’t feel any kind of way if my children opted out of having children because of the times we are in and knowing it’s only getting worse.
The way I raised my children in the time they were born makes it challenging for them to even meet people around their age with the same level of maturity, emotional intelligence, character, wholeness, freedom, etc. I know for a fact, it would only be worse if I had children now.
Many people are selfish when they are younger, but then, when they get older, they aren’t. They start having children when they’re older. I’m the exact opposite of that. When I was younger, I wasn’t selfish. I am now. This era of my life is only about me, and I refuse to share is with a toddler.
All 3 of my children are adults! And all 3 of my children are adults! Did you read what I said? All 3 of my children are adults! (LOL) There is absolutely no way I’m about to be over here popping out new babies.
I’m completely and freely living in my selfish era! This is my 🖕🏾 them kids era. I said what I said.
I’ve Accomplished My Goal As A Parent
I wasn’t the perfect mom. How could I be if I’m not even a perfect person? I had 2 high-priority goals concerning my children.
- To protect them!
- To always be a present mother!
I’ve done that successfully! Yes, for a big chunk of their childhood, we struggled financially, they weren’t molested or raped like I was. They weren’t around people who treated them poorly. They didn’t have an absent mother for 45+ hours a week. They learned how to effectively communicate. They learned how to problem solve. They learned how to manage their emotions. They learned all of the things that will help them in this world as adults.
They don’t have to heal from me. We have a good relationship.
The only thing I would have done differently is figure out how to protect them and be present as much as I was while earning a higher income, a lot quicker. However, I’ve taught them money lessons once I started learning myself.
My job of raising and protecting children who aren’t a menace to society and the people in their lives is complete.
Do you see yourself having children after 40? Let me know in the comments.
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P.S. If you would like to improve your relationship with your child(ren), book my Intentional Parenting session.